


It's not rocket science

by unicarna



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 22:10:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2748977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unicarna/pseuds/unicarna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of more or less connected, not necessarily chronological short stories focusing on the relationship between Raven and Abby. Some will deal with their friendship, some will explore a romantic relationship or could be read as such. I am in love with their chemistry and cannot get up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Abby apologises

The tent was lit by a candle made from an old metal container, filled with the curious resin of the mutated trees in the forest. The resin gave off a faint, greenish light but produced an unpleasant smoke that Raven had quickly learned to lead out of the tent through a hole in the roof. She was fairly sure it was hallucinatory when inhaled. Not that she had tried.

Raven had chosen not to sleep inside the Ark. It reminded her too much of being trapped in space. In her tent she felt closer to the ground, and she didn’t mind the cold. Abby had made sure she had enough blankets. Abby had made sure of many things when it came to her, and Raven didn’t really mind. They had formed a bond of sorts over the weeks from Abby calling the work order, to her gently examining Raven’s numb leg when they met again on the ground. Raven found it ironic that they had both survived the trip that was going to save them all, when so many others had not. And yet she couldn’t deny that she was glad to have Abby there. Many would say that Abby was a comforting presence, a steady but emotional leader with the ability to connect with the people. Abby was as close to them as she could be, as close as she  _should_  be. She still had to make some tough decisions, and that wouldn’t work if she didn’t put any distance between herself and her people. But she was always tethering on the brink of being too close, too invested, too  _there_. It felt like she cared.

So Raven hadn’t been prepared for the slap across her cheek. She had expected harsh words in response to her helping the others get out, a public punishment even, but not that. She had touched her burning cheek and though she had registered the feeling of hurt somewhere, it was dulled by the surprise, the burning, and the disbelief at what had happened. No, she hadn’t expected that. Perhaps because she’d underestimated the strength of a mother’s love for her child, or perhaps because she had foolishly thought that such love would never be the cause of a violent act. Raven wasn’t sure why it mattered so much, she wasn’t physically hurt and she understood that Abby just wanted to keep Clarke safe. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that something had irrevocably changed between them. Abby had looked stricken too, and immediately regretful, which filled Raven with a thousand conflicting emotions. She tried to push them away with her cup of moonshine towards the older woman, silently watching as her face crumbled. And in the end, her response to Abby’s “she’s just a kid” probably hurt more than a physical slap ever could.

“She stopped being a kid the moment you sent her down here to die.”

They hadn’t talked since. It had been four days and six hours, not that Raven was counting. Abby had avoided her eyes whenever they crossed paths, and one of her medical assistants had come by to do the daily adjusting of the leg brace. His hands were rough and unfamiliar. Yesterday morning, Raven had bumped into Abby outside the rations room, and she had practically seen the guilt clinging to the Chancellor then. She had taken a breath as if to say something, but then stepped aside and before Raven could figure out something to say, she was gone. Raven felt hollow and she wasn’t particularly interested in examining why. Earth was supposed to be ta fresh start for all of them, but she had quickly realised that she shouldn’t let anyone come too close here either; it wouldn’t be safe for her life or her heart. People died all the time. People she loved killed other people. No. She wouldn’t go there again, not tonight. She sat down on the bed and carefully lifted her damaged leg up to join the other as she lay down.

She couldn’t sleep.

When Raven returned to her tent the following evening, exhausted from the lack of sleep and the day’s work, Abby stood by the small table, examining the resin candle.

“You shouldn’t smell it. It makes you see things.”

Abby started and turned to face her. “I thought it might. That’s why you haven’t made more?”

Raven smirked. “No. I’m just thinking about who to drug first.”

“I see.” Abby smiled but it wasn’t genuine. She looked away. “I..um..I want to apologise, Raven. I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for what I did and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I am so sorry. You’re an extraordinary young woman and I know that you and the others have been through things down here that we’ve barely grazed the surface of. “ Raven could tell it took some effort to get the next few words out. “We should listen to you more. But when it comes to Clarke I..I just want to keep her safe. She’s my little girl. I’m not ready to lose her again. I wish you’d stop trying to do the dirty work and leave it to us.”

Raven stepped closer, one uneven step after the other until she stood close enough to touch the other woman.

She didn’t.

“The truth is none of us are really safe down here. And if you hold her back she’ll just find a way to work around it. It’s better if you help each other. If we all help each other. You have to accept that even if we made a lot of mistakes in the past weeks, we also learned from them. Clarke learned from them. And I can’t think of anyone who has a better chance of bringing the others home. She’s a leader, Abby, just like you.”

Tears trickled slowly down Abby’s cheeks when she finally met Raven’s brown eyes.

“I think you’re the smartest one here, Raven.”

The smirk was back. “Oh, I know.”


	2. Raven remembers

“ _Did someone call for a mechanic?”_

 She had challenged Abby, and got more than she could ever imagine in return. A chance to get down to Finn, who maybe, just maybe, was still alive. Their reunion hadn't turned out the way she'd imagined but then again, few things did in her life. At least he wasn't dead. That was more than she could say about Abby. Was she still alive up there? Not a day went by that Raven didn't think of her and the way she had grasped Raven's hands on that last day and almost, but not quite, fallen apart.

_She would never admit it, but it felt good that Abby would go with her. Plummeting through the atmosphere was better with company, Raven imagined. Abby was desperate to know if her daughter was alive and desperate to prevent the culling that were about to happen. Raven had never known how passionate Abby was, nor realised how easy she was to read; she carried her emotions on the outside as if she couldn't contain them all. Raven used to find her cold and indifferent. Maybe she just hadn't_ looked _properly._

_Abby trusted her ability to get the antiquity up and running, which of course she would. She had always been good under pressure. Abby checked on her several times a day, making sure she had everything she needed, never asking the one question she was dying to ask. Eventually Raven took pity on her and replied to the unspoken words; “I just need two more hours for this one.” or, “three more days and this will be as good as new”._

_One afternoon, Raven gulped down the bland standard meal that Abby had brought her, while the older woman filled her in on the latest situation in medical. It didn't look good. The entire population was now showing some sign of oxygen deprivation. After a few minutes, Raven resumed her work and their conversation started drifting from the problems of the Ark to the 100 down on Earth and, eventually, when that topic became to hard for both of them, to themselves. At some point, Abby told her in passing that she had started writing a book once. Every day after that, Raven used every tactic she had (and she had several) to get Abby to tell her the plot. She never did. (But it wasn't about aliens from outer space. Raven asked specifically and Abby laughed a real, infectious laugh, in response.)_

_Every time Abby didn't stay to talk, Raven missed it. Somehow their conversations became important. Maybe it was because of their common goal or because they had a surprisingly similar view on things, despite the years that separated them. Whatever the reason, they_ got _each other. Raven felt like she mattered when Abby was around._

_On the final day, Abby wouldn't stop pacing back and forth next to her. Raven felt a sort of amused annoyance at this. The other woman probably needed something to do with herself, and Raven indulged her. But after fifteen minutes of that she couldn't help pointing out to Abby that she probably wouldn't enjoy it if their roles were reversed. Abby glared at her, but their banter was interrupted by a warning from Jackson that brought her to a halt. Kane was coming._

_Abby had become important so fast that Raven didn't realise it until she understood what Abby was about to do to get her to the ground._  

“ _No matter what happens, you launch that pod. Do you understand?”_

_No. This was wrong. They were doing this together. “I'm not going without you.”_

_Abby's eyes softened. “Only one of us needs to get to the ground, Raven. The minute you find those kids you radio back. 300 innocent people will die if you don't.”_

_The ramifications of Abby staying hit Raven full force. The air felt thin._

“ _Abby...they'll float you...” Raven stared at the older woman, as if she could make her reconsider._

_Abby's lips quivered into a small, defiant smile. “Let them float me.”_

_Raven hated that she understood. She hated that there was no other way. Between them she was the one who knew how the pod worked. She had the greatest chance of making it to the ground, and Abby would sacrifice herself to get her there. Raven pulled Abby into a hug. A breath, and she felt Abby relax in her arms._

_She considered never letting go._


	3. Ravens makes a decision

It wasn't an easy decision, not at all a spur of the moment thing. In fact, Raven had been thinking about kissing Abby for a longer time than she would ever admit. They had a connection that she couldn't quite explain. She felt an annoyingly strong attraction to Abby, one that kept lurking behind other, more insistent matters in her mind, flanking them like a shadow. Sometimes at night she let the shadow take form; pictured Abby's face in front of her in the darkness and gently touched a phantom cheek with her fingertips.

It wasn't just that they were alike in many ways, or that she was touched by the fierce loyalty Abby showed to her people. It didn't come down to the way a smile played around Abby's lips when Raven challenged her, or the tenderness Raven felt when Abby let her guard down and showed her everything. It wasn't that being slightly taller made Raven feel strong and protective, or that Abby's voice reverberated in a part of her mind that Raven kept locked for almost everyone else.

Or maybe it was all of those things that led Raven to capture the Chancellor's lips with her own.

She may have thought of kissing Abby many times, but if she was completely honest with herself, she hadn't been sure she was brave enough. Putting the fact that Abby was a whole lot older than herself aside (and also Clarke's mother but that was just too fucked up to really think about), the main reason Raven had doubted her own courage was because Abby made her feel way too much. She made her feel similar to how Finn used to make her feel, back when she had just discovered that she needed him in a way that was exciting and scary all at once.

No, Raven hadn't been sure that she could kiss Abby Griffin. And she definitely hadn't been sure that she _should_ kiss her. It was hard enough to lose friends, let alone a lover. So the rational part of her hoped that Abby would pull away and tell her that this was wrong, not what she wanted or even push her away completely in response. But she did none of those things. Instead, Abby froze at the suddenness of Raven's kiss and a few impossibly long seconds went by before she pulled back, drew in a shaky breath and opened her eyes. Instead of shock or disgust, what Raven saw there was the same kind of surprise that had lit them when Raven responded to the slap (the one she had almost stopped thinking about now) with an offer to share her drink. The way Abby looked at her now was intoxicating and she suddenly wondered if she was ready for this, whatever _this_ was.

But then Abby grabbed her jacket and kissed her back and even without a damaged leg Raven would probably have had problems standing. Abby felt her sway and put steadying arms around her waist. Raven couldn't think, couldn't do anything but return the kiss, leaning into it and treading her fingers through Abby's hair and...oh god, her _tongue_.

Abby's cheeks were flushed when she eventually pulled away, just far enough to take a deeper breath. She leaned her forehead against Raven's and let out a vague sound of disbelief.

“I'm not sure I should have done that.”

Raven let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding in a low chuckle.

“Me neither.”

 


	4. Abby does the right thing

Abby looked down at her hand. The hand that had connected hard with Raven's cheek, just moments before. She added that action to the list of things she regretted doing. The list was getting long.

Intellectually, Abby understood her reaction; Raven was the reason Clarke was gone again, off to risk her life to safe her friends. Punishing Raven had been a misplaced way to handle the worry for her child, a way to relieve frustration that had worked for a fraction of a second before Raven's shock and obvious hurt hit Abby like she was the one being slapped. She despised that she had let herself sink so low. But as time had proven again and again, people did almost anything to protect their loved ones. People could be frighteningly cold and violent in order to _do the right thing_. The problem was, the right thing was rarely the same for everyone.

Raven had done what she thought was right. Raven, who had been nothing but helpful and risked her life to save them. Raven, who had kept Abby sane when the worry for Clarke was about to consume her. Raven, who had held her close for a few, calming seconds before Abby had left her to buy precious time so that she could launch the pod and maybe, just maybe, make it to Earth. Raven had warmed up to her, trusted her, become an unlikely ally in their chaotic situation. And Abby had repaid that by hitting her at the first sign of defiance.

She was ashamed.

And yet another part of her was so very disappointed in the younger woman. Raven had seen her desperation to find Clarke first hand. She knew how much it mattered. But when they were finally reunited, Raven didn't hesitate to pull them apart again. Of course, Abby reasoned, this was bigger than her need to keep Clarke close (and Clarke's need for her? Or were those days gone now?), bigger than her petty feelings of betrayal. Raven did this to save her friends. But it still hurt.

Because she had trusted her.

Perhaps most infuriatingly, Abby knew that she would have done the same thing if their positions were reversed. They were so much alike. In the few days they had practically spent together on the Ark, they had almost coined their own language. It surprised Abby that they had such similar frames of reference despite the years that separated them. It was refreshing. And after their initial suspicion, Raven eyes quickly came to hold complete understanding when they looked at her. _Seeing_ her.

Or at least they used to, until Abby hit her and the knowing glint went out like a light.

She had to fix this, or at least try. After the initial reaction, it had been obvious that Raven at least partly understood why Abby had acted this way, but that wasn't the same as forgiving, and besides, Abby wasn't sure she wanted or deserved forgiveness. But she wanted to apologise and, more selfishly, she wanted their closeness back.

Raven made her a better person.

 


	5. Abby needs a mechanic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just something short before I (probably) move on from processing that slap.

Abby needed her to build a magnetic scanner. Those they had on the Ark had been destroyed in the explosions on the way down, together with most of the advanced medical equipment. The parts Abby brought her was of minimal quality, if Raven assessed them optimistically. In truth, she wasn't sure those parts would last more than a few days, or if they would even withstand the magnetic field. She would try though, because Abby asked her.

A few hours later she had a working prototype ready. She limped to the medical bay and asked Abby what specific functions she needed. “Hang on, I'll finish up here and come by soon.”

They worked together for the rest of the day, or rather, Abby kept asking “can it do this?” or “what about that?” and Raven kept modifying. She enjoyed the challenge. It almost felt like she was back on the Ark, hurrying to get the pod up and running, while Abby kept her company. Something was different in the way they regarded each other, though. It was subtle, like a shift in the air or some unknown static that disrupted their frequency. And they were less physical with each other; earlier, Abby would have put her hand on Raven's shoulder or leaned close to see the details of her work, and Raven would have squeezed Abby's arm in excitement when the circuits came together just so. Now, Abby kept her distance and didn't met Raven's eyes nearly as often. Raven missed it.

When they were almost done, Raven stopped what she was doing and turned to the woman next to her.

“Is everything all right? You've been so quiet.”

Abby hesitated a second too long before saying “I'll be fine. Just a lot on my mind.”

“Abby...”

When Abby sighed and gave in, Raven took a quiet satisfaction in how that particular tone of voice always seemed to work on her.

“Well...I don't know how to be with you without thinking of how I hit you. And that's really my problem, not yours. I shouldn't even have told you.”

Raven took in Abby's stubborn face. She looked determined to bite back any further comment on the matter. So of course Raven couldn't stop herself from pushing harder. Abby needed to hear this, again.

“Hey, look, I won't pretend it didn't hurt. Not physically, really, you know, but... I'm fine. Really. I get why it happened.”

Abby shook her head. “You are so forgiving, Raven.”

She tilted her head towards Abby, “I learned from the best. I just wish you forgave yourself as easily as you forgive others.”

Abby finally met her eyes for more than a fraction of a second. They regarded each other for a while before the older woman smiled faintly. Her eyes held something that hadn't been there before. She looked surprised, almost curious. Raven suddenly felt a little breathless.

“Fine. I'll try to let it go.”

“Awesome. And there's one more thing...” Raven swallowed and took Abby's hand, _that hand_ , and held it up against her cheek. Abby's eyes filled with emotion.

“Raven...”

“Just..touch me here.”

Abby looked doubtful, but when Raven let go of her hand it stayed on her cheek. Slowly, Abby caressed it with her thumb. Raven closed her eyes.

I've never met anyone quite like you, Raven Reyes.”

Raven smiled.

 


	6. The dawn after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains big spoilers for the midseason finale 'Spacewalker'.
> 
> Trying something new here with second person pov, I found it a bit easier to get into Abby's head that way (and it's kind of nice with a break from the pronoun problem ;) Feel free to let me know how it works for you!

You are lying on your back, staring up at the metal ceiling of the former Ark. You haven't slept in two (three?) days but your body and mind still aren't ready to give in to oblivion. Images flash through your head rapidly, repeatedly, the same ones over and over. Clarke leaving the camp, Clarke talking to the Commander, Clarke holding Finn and killing him with a knife, cutting him in the exact right spot for it to be swift, as if she had practiced a hundred times (had she?). You still can't quite understand that this is something that happened. Your little girl, doing what others could not. You admire her courage, and you aren't sure that you could have done the same thing. You were scared, for her, for all of them, while she didn't seem to hesitate. You know that she did, of course, she cried for hours in your arms mumbling things like 'I killed him', 'mum, what did I do?', while all you could say was 'I love you so much', 'it's gonna be okay' and other, similarly nonsense-things that probably wouldn't help. But at least she allowed you to hold her. You were relieved when she finally fell asleep. Perhaps she would get a few peaceful hours before the guilt, regret and burden of what she did would come back with the daylight. You turn towards her and reach out to stroke her forehead gently, before carefully easing out of bed. You need fresh air.

Outside, the Grounder torches are still flaring in the darkness. They are waiting to discuss the terms of the truce in the morning. You aren't sure if the Commander will agree to dealing with you or if she will demand to speak with Clarke. You suspect the latter but vows to come with her no matter what. She shouldn't do this alone.

You breathe the rich scent of the forest deep into your lungs and allow yourself a moment to marvel at the beauty of the Earth. You are so deeply grateful to be here, even though life here is much more complicated than anyone could have guessed. After almost completing a full turn around the camp, and startling one of the night guards, you find yourself outside of Raven's tent. You realise with a pang of guilt that you haven't been to check on her all evening. Perhaps that is understandable considering Clarke's state, but there is still a part of you that chides yourself. You remember her heartfelt plea, 'we have to do something, Abby' and your firm reply, 'no, Raven'. You will never forget the pain and disappointment in her eyes then, and you desperately wish that there had been another way.

You hesitate briefly before pulling the flap to the side and stepping just inside the tent. Your eyes, used to the darkness by now, roam the small interior and for a moment you think she isn't there.

“Abby. What are you doing here?” Raven's voice is small and hollow, and comes from somewhere between the bed and desk, where the shadows hide her from sight.

“I came to see if you wanted company.”

Raven snorts but doesn't tell you to leave. You are encouraged by this and take a few steps toward her general location. “I'm sorry I didn't come earlier.”

“Well I guess you were busy comforting his murderer.” Raven's voice is cold and feels like a slap in your face. How fitting.

“You know it isn't that simple, Raven. What Clarke did was the best for our people.”

Raven laughs mirthlessly “It wasn't the best for Finn.”

You bite your lip and decide to go for it, “Are you sure about that?”

She starts screaming at you then, as you expect her to “Of course I am! He didn't deserve to die! He wasn't himself when he killed all those people! He...he was blinded by fear...of losing Clarke. He never meant to...” She trails off and heavy breaths turn into sobs that cut painfully through your heart.

You let the sound surround you for a while before gently saying, “I think that the one it wasn't best for was you, isn't that right? You lost someone that you love tonight. I wish that I could take that pain away, Raven, I really do. No one deserves to go through what you're going through right now. All I can say is that I know that pain and I...I'm here if you want me.”

Silence. You imagine the firm set of her jaw, forcing down the sobs, and the steely glint in her eyes. Thanks to the first hint of dawn outside, you can now see the outline of her, leaning against the side of the bed, clutching her legs to her chest and resting her head against her knees. She is shaking. You fight the impulse to go over there and hold her. Instead, you wait another breath before turning to leave. But when you pull the flap aside, a small voice, barely holding, speaks up.

“Abby...will you stay?”

 


	7. Acid fog

Abby knows the machinery of the human body inside out, but she can't fathom the technology that Raven so easily bends to her will. Oh she knows the theory of electricity and circuits and resistance and optic fibers but it's hard to get her head around what makes it all tick. Raven knows and Abby watches her work with a sense of wonder.

It's been ten, maybe fifteen minutes since they had to quickly take cover from the acid fog. The tent is small and Abby can feel the warmth of Raven's breath as the younger woman works on the transceiver unit. Abby isn't sure what to do with herself; she is of no help to Raven and there isn't anything she can work on. So she moves around, trying to find a comfortable position, while Raven sends quick, eyebrow-raised glances her way as if to tell her to calm down.

Those glances have the opposite effect.

“Abby, you're making me nervous. Ever heard about relaxing?”

“I can't relax when I don't know how Clarke and the others are doing.”

Raven sighs. “Here, take these two. You know how to splice a cable?”

Abby nods.

“Good. Then do that for me and stop fussing around.”

Abby meets her eyes, amused. “Yes ma'am.”

Raven shakes her head.

A few minutes of silence follow as they work. Abby thinks about the woman next to her; how quickly they are getting to know each other and how...easy it feels to be in her presence. If Abby is completely honest with herself, which she really shouldn't be in this matter, she enjoys Raven's company a lot. And she enjoys it in a way that isn't entirely casual. She knows this and she would rather not explore it any further. Raven is young, far too young, and even though they have this same-wavelength-sometimes-flirty-thing going on, it wouldn't be right for her to go there. It wouldn't lead to anything but short satisfaction followed by awkward excuses and unnecessary complications when they inevitably need to move on. No, Abby prefers to keep their relationship as it is – more than friendly, less than risky.

But her resolve cracks so easily, especially when Raven keeps sneaking glances her way as they work, and even more so when their eyes meet over twisted wires and a malfunctioning radio. The true test, though, comes when Raven decides to fill the silence.

“You're beautiful, Abby. You know that, right?”

Abby stiffens, all quickened heartbeat and wonder spreading in her chest even as she chides herself for it, and considers pretending she didn't hear. But that would be silly in this small tent, really.

So she smiles, not to little, not too much. “That's sweet of you to say. Compliments are rare at my age.”

Raven huffs, “I don't believe that for a second. And you're not old.”

“Didn't say I was”, Abby can't help but playfully reply.

Raven smirks at her. “Touché.”

Oh, great.

They are suddenly smiling at each other, Raven's eyes sparkling with mirth and that other thing that Abby tries to hide from but the tent is too small and the younger woman far too close, and Abby finds herself _blushing_.

She never blushes.

When she looks up again, Raven is watching her with a tenderness she desperately wishes wasn't there.

“Raven, I...” Raven cuts her off “shush, just...accept the compliment, okay?”

And they both know this is about so much more than a simple compliment but this is not the time to discuss, to act or to wish. So they go back to work and Raven eventually realises that they can listen in on Mount Weather and Abby is relieved to have something to distract her again. Luckily distractions are more than easy to come by at the moment.

But when the fog is over and they quickly pack up the tent, Raven, being Raven, leans in to whisper in her ear.

“You know it wasn't just a casual compliment, Abby. I can't look away.”

Abby closes her eyes and wishes she would stop saying her name like _that_.

She turns and tucks the last of the tent into her backpack.

“Let's go, Raven.”

 


	8. Scars and snowflakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They moved apart only to pull a blanket over themselves so that their world became small and warm.  
> (that's it, that's the plot.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to but then I did.
> 
> Set far ahead in time, when there's relative peace and time for such things.

The tent was cold but its inhabitants lay naked on the small bed, shallow breaths and body heat warming their immediate surroundings. Raven was seriously worried that her heart was about to beat out of her chest; the way she had just come undone had been...incredible. She frowned slightly at the word choice, it didn't make the feeling justice at all. But then again, she had absolutely no energy left to come up with a better one. She was resting her head on Abby's chest, where she could hear the other woman's heart beating almost as fast as her own. It made her smile and place a small kiss on the soft skin. Abby hummed in response as she softly traced the long scars on Raven's forearm with her fingertips, scars that would forever remind her of how fragile the alliance with the Grounders had been, and to some extent, still was. To Raven, the feather-like touch was a sharp contrast to the memory of Lexa's slashing blade.

Abby, ever the doctor, mumbled against Raven's hair, “They've healed well.”

“They're pretty badass if you ask me”, Raven lazily replied.

Abby let out a huff of breath at this, knowing that the true scars ran far deeper than the wound ever had. But it was behind them now, and their sated bodies was very much in the present.

Shivering slightly from the gust of wind that chose that moment to break free from the storm and worm its way inside the tent, Raven pushed herself up and met brown eyes, “tell me again why we haven't done this before?”

Abby held her gaze, far more serious than Raven had expected in response to her playful question, before suggesting, almost bashfully,

“Perhaps I was too busy finding reasons not to.” She paused, tucking a lock of hair behind Raven's ear. “And perhaps you were smart enough to bide your time until I stopped.”

Raven smiled, a full, open smile that stole Abby's next words and replaced them with a deep kiss. They moved apart only to pull a blanket over themselves so that their world became small and warm. Raven took advantage of her position to explore every part of Abby's neck with her mouth, the urgency from before replaced with a slow burning that hummed through her body, inspiring her to bite at the neck experimentally. Encouraged by a sharp intake of breath, Raven repeated the action.

Again, their heartbeats quickened. Again, heat spread through barely cooled skin, pooling between legs and urging them into a rhythm like breathing. Raven's eyes widened in wonder at the moan Abby let out in response to a certain angling of her hips, and she stayed there, moving towards something barely out of reach, and watched the other woman's eyes flutter closed. Wetness, hot and slick, spread between them and Raven whimpered as they came together _just so_. A short time later she was moving frantically, Abby's hands coming up to push her hips closer, harder, faster. And it didn't take long before she tumbled roughly over the edge, letting out sounds she didn't recognise as her own as Abby's nails left red marks on her skin.

A breath, two, three, and Raven opened her eyes and moved a hand in between their bodies. A low  _oh god_ tumbled out of Abby's mouth as Raven entered her with two fingers. For her part, Raven stopped breathing when she felt Abby clenching around her, and if it weren't for bucking hips reminding her of the task at hand, she would have stopped moving, completely in awe. _If only she could be in this moment always_.

But Abby's intoxicating moans led Raven to find a steady rhythm, her brow slightly furred as she worked to coordinate her fingers to the best of her ability. She felt giddy from being allowed this close, and relished the feeling of a hand roughly closing around her upper arm, probably leaving bruises on her scars. Eventually, Abby let out a strangled cry and shook against her and Raven closed her eyes to a rush of emotion that constricted her throat and made her feel too much, too fast.

It took a while before Abby remembered how to breathe.

A few snowflakes made its way into the tent while its inhabitants once again stilled. They melted slowly on the hard-packed ground, wiling away into nothingness while its sisters kept roaring through the air outside. Abby was drifting off to the sound, unconsciously pulling the blanket closer to herself. Raven counted to three before getting up as quickly as her leg would allow to get an extra fur to keep them warm throughout the night. Abby made a barely intelligible noise at the feeling of cold feet joining her again. Raven tucked them in under the multiple layers, fitting her body behind Abby's, arm around her waist. Her last conscious thought before giving into sleep was that she should make another heater to use in weather like this.

The storm raged on.

 


	9. Mud and water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff ahoy.

Raven firmly believed that she was in control of her own life. She scoffed at people who believed that fate had taken them to a certain place in time or lead them to meet a certain person. After all, what was the point in living if you had no control over your life? But when she slipped and fell for the third time, foul-smelling mud finding its way into her ear and mouth, she couldn't help wondering if fate was determined to keep them from their destination. Spluttering and cursing loudly, her thoughts were interrupted by a laugh coming from somewhere above her. Blinded by the low afternoon sun, she glared in the general direction of the sound.

“Are you seriously laughing at me right now?”

She spit out more mud, including something crunchy that may or may not have moved in her mouth.

The laughter turned into snorts as Abby tried to contain it, “Yes. Yes I am.”

Raven muttered “I'll get you back for this”, before pushing herself up to a sitting position. This way Abby's body shielded her from the sun and when Raven looked up, the golden rays framed the other woman's face in a ridiculously perfect way. She huffed at the momentary distraction, pointedly ignoring the way her stomach fluttered pleasantly.

“Did you say something?” Abby stretched out a hand to help her up.

Raven took it, and at the wicked look on her face, Abby's eyes widened. 

“Oh no you don't.”

“No I don't what?”

“Pull me down.”

“I'd never.”

Abby looked at her incredulously. “Liar.”

“Fine, maybe I would. But I will save my revenge for when you least expect it. Now pull me up.”

Abby eyed her warily.

Raven grinned. “Go on. I don't bite. Much.”

Abby smirked and pulled her up before saying in that low suggestive tone that made Raven's knees go weak,

“That's a shame.”  

Raven swallowed.

By the time she recovered her mind from the gutter, Abby was turning the corner of the path ahead.

“Hey Abby! Wait up!” 

* * *

As it turned out, beyond the next corner lay a small lake. And when Raven arrived, Abby was already half undressed.

Raven started to suspect that she had planned this all along.

“Hi there, mud monster.”

Raven's glare would have been formidable if it wasn't for the fact that she couldn't stop staring at Abby's cleavage. Instead, she forced her eyes away long enough to give the other woman a pointed look,

“I'm mad. You're cheating.”

“I wasn't aware.” Abby's voice practically curled around the words. Damn it, Raven thought, as she resisted the urge to push her up against the nearest tree.

“You are  _well_  aware.”

“Fine. I like to cheat. It makes you blush.”

“I never blush.”

“You're blushing right now.”

“Dammit, Abby.”

Raven took two long strides and pulled Abby roughly towards her by the hips, covering her lips with her own. Her mud-covered hands trailed over the soft skin of Abby's back, marking it with nonsensical lines.

“Eeew. You taste like mud.” Abby mumbled in between urgent kisses.

Raven, carefully maneuvering them towards the edge of the lake, pulled away slightly before smiling sweetly and saying,

“Shut up.”

And then she pushed the older woman into the water. 

* * *

Coming up spluttering, it was Abby's turn to glare. But it didn't last very long, as they both broke down into laughter at the sight of the other. Raven, covered in mud that started to dry to a hard shell on her clothes and skin, and Abby, hair plastered to her face trying to find her balance in the knee-deep water. Every time one of them stopped laughing, the other got them started again.

Finally, Raven decided that she really did need to clean herself and started pulling off her clothes, aware of Abby's eyes following her every move. She deliberately slowed, lingering over the buttons of her pants, meeting curious brown eyes.

“You are  _such_  a tease, Raven.”

Pulling down her pants, Raven replied, “Look who’s talking. You love it though.”

Abby waded through the water towards her, a grin on her face, “I do.”

They met at the water's edge, kissing each other thoroughly before joining hands and walking together into the lake.

Maybe mud wasn't so bad after all, Raven thought as she watched Abby come up from under the water, drops glistening on her skin and eyes sparkling with happiness.

If this was what fate had in store for her, she was on board.


	10. And then, we are not friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a follow-up to "Raven makes a decision" (ch 3) so it might be a good idea to reread that first. I will be a bit busy around DM angst day so thought I'd write a little something in that category and post now, just in case. I hope to have time to write the other half of this, though, perhaps from Raven's POV (feel free to tell me what you'd prefer).

The familiar sounds of the camp slowly entered the bubble of surprise, elation and warmth that had surrounded Abby and Raven as they kissed. Abby's head rested on Raven's shoulder as the younger woman held her carefully, as if she might break. Abby breathed in her scent, feeling calm in a way she hadn't in a long time. One of her hands rested against Raven's chest and the doctor felt the exact point when reality caught up fully with the younger woman; her heart speeding up significantly, muscles stiffening. Abby pulled back ever so slightly in response, immediately worried that it had been a mistake to kiss her back.

And the calm of the moment was broken.

“Raven..?” She inquired hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

Abby pulled back until she could see her face properly, and Raven's hands immediately fell down from her waist, coming to rest limply at her own sides. Her eyes closed, avoiding Abby's gaze as she furrowed her brows, biting her lower lip as if she was in pain.

“Raven, honey, I'm sorry, I...Was it too much?”

Raven turned away and walked a few steps into the room, stopping next to a table that held the more advanced medical instruments. Abby could easily see the tension in her body.

“I, uh, I don't know...Was it?” Raven mumbled to the table, shoulders hunching a little.

Abby regarded her in silence. What was the right thing to say? She hadn't expected Raven to kiss her in a million years, even though on some level she knew that their relationship had evolved into something that the word _friends_ didn't quite cover. The kiss had felt right, though, in a way that she hadn't expected either, had she expected something in the first place. Abby shook her head. This was getting complicated, fast, but she had to reassure Raven that it was all right because if the way the woman crossed her arms defensively was an indication, she was not sure of that at all. Abby recognised that look, even from behind. Raven was unsure of herself, uncomfortable, and couldn't hide it behind jokes, innuendos and bravado like she sometimes did.

So Abby decided honesty was the best approach. It was her heart's turn to speed up as she took a deep breath and bared herself, her voice hoarse.

“I honestly don't know if this was a good idea. And I don't know what's gonna happen now. But I do know that I... I enjoyed it. I didn't expect you to kiss me but... I enjoyed it.”

She could hear Raven swallow but the younger woman didn't turn around when she replied,

“What does that mean, you enjoyed it?”

Abby's hands closed into fists as she struggled to find words that wouldn't be too little or too much.

“It means...it means I think I'd like to do it again. If you want to. I wanna figure this out. I don't know what else to say, you kind of took me by surprise here.” She let out her breath in a shaky grimace that could have been a smile under other circumstances.

At this, Raven did turn around.

“You didn't expect this at all? But haven't you...haven't we..? She trailed off, looking as if she wanted to be anywhere but in this room.

Abby sighed, unable to hide the distress on her face. That's what Raven took away from her words? Hadn't she just said that she wanted to give this a chance? Hadn't they what? She gulped as she suddenly understood what the other woman meant. They had, she realised now. They definitely had. But she hadn't put the pieces together until now. Hadn't realised exactly how close they had become, maybe because it had felt so natural, as if it was supposed to be that way. She hadn't thought about how sharing most meals and talking about their respective days had become a routine. She hadn't thought about how they had huddled together for warmth, closer than necessary, in a a tent that day a storm had caught them by surprise while they were out in the forest. But she _had_ thought, fondly, about how Raven made her laugh, and she had fallen asleep many times to the mental image of the cocky smile the woman wore after saying something particularly funny (and more often than not, highly inappropriate). She shook her head in disbelief. How could she have been so blind?

When Abby's thoughts returned to the present, Raven was clenching her jaw, face closing up. A pang of regret went through Abby's chest and her words tumbled over each other as she tried to explain,

“No no, I didn't mean...damn it..” Abby almost stomped her foot in frustration. “Please, Raven, I want to say the right thing here. We have been... I just didn't realise...”

Raven stared at her, swallowed again and blinked furiously when she cut her off,

“Don't bother. I hear you. This was a mistake.”

And then she walked out before Abby could push her sluggish brain into action. She stared at the closing door in disbelief, cursing herself for saying the exact wrong thing.

After an indeterminable amount of time, she sat down heavily on the exam table, body going limp. She had just needed a little more time to explain how she felt. If Raven had just stayed, she could have organised her thoughts better so they didn't come out wrong.

_She should have told her that it wasn't a mistake._

Abby felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. She would be damned if she couldn't fix this. She couldn't imagine not spending time with Raven like they used to. But she needed some time to figure out how she felt, to connect the dots further and to figure out how to communicate to Raven that she did want this.

Because that's something she was sure of, at least. She did want to spend time with Raven. And they were something else than friends. The logical conclusion to that made her nervous and she felt young then, as if it was the first time she tried to have a relationship with someone and had no idea how. But her body remembered the feeling of Raven's lips against her own, their bodies pressed together, even closer than in the tent, and she licked her lips, breath quickening.

Whatever it was between them, it was strong and frightening and wonderful.

She got up again, pacing around the room as if moving would kick her brain into gear. She had to figure this out, and soon. She had to be braver than she felt and she had to make Raven see that it had been everything but a mistake. Had been inevitable, in fact. She stopped abruptly. A life barely out of reach flashed through her mind as the implications of having a relationship with Raven hit her full force. And suddenly she wanted it with a fierceness that surprised her. She felt out of breath, and her cheeks flushed with that _something_ until she just as abruptly went cold.

It was a relationship Raven wanted, right?

 

 


	11. Words can be like knives (they can cut you open)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up where "And then, we are not friends" left off.

Raven welcomed the burning in her abs, sinking gratefully into the sensation and letting it take the edge of her racing thoughts as she started on another set of crunches. By now, she had lost count of how many she had done. The simple exercise helped focus her jumbled emotions, the calming effect of the repetitive movement slowly extinguishing the rawest, most hurting thoughts. When she finally felt steadier, she circled back, allowing herself to replay the events of the previous day in her mind with as much detachment as she could muster.

Unfortunately, the situation appeared to be just as messy this time around.

Abby had been surprised. She hadn't _expected_ but she had _enjoyed._ The two words had etched themselves into Raven's brain just like the feeling of the older woman's lips against her own, her familiar scent and the taut muscle of her back as she pulled back. Raven didn't want to be something unexpectedly enjoyable, didn't want to be a second thought or a surprise. She had wanted to confirm this thing between them, this thing that was glaringly obvious, or so she had thought. They had practically spent the past months flirting, or rather, Raven thought with a pang of insecurity, she had flirted and Abby had been amused, sometimes uncomfortable, cheeks flushing at suggestion and compliment. Perhaps she had read it all wrong? Perhaps Abby's lingering touches and searching looks had been nothing but a way to seek out a friend that truly understood what she had been through. Perhaps their long conversations over dinner, by the fire and during walks were only the sign of a deepening friendship. Raven groaned as she fell back against the floor. Perhaps she had been a fool to think that Abby would want a relationship with someone like her. Someone so much younger, someone so broken. What did she have to offer?

* * *

The coffee spilled over a blank surface where orderly lines were supposed to flow gently with the curves of Abby's handwriting. But instead a brown flood meandered over the empty space, seeking out a formerly hidden path that now stood out in stark contrast, defiant and unapologetic. The stain morphed and changed, flowing in gentle curves and stretching into long lines that took the brew further, faster, dangerously close to the edge. Abby let out a huff of air at the accurate illustration of her state of mind.

She got up and fetched a cloth, returning to her desk to wipe at the liquid before it started dripping on the floor. She stared at the stain it left and let her thoughts wander, the nonsensical pattern oddly soothing. She hadn't been able to focus on anything at all today, and despite several attempts to start working, the medical files she was supposed to go over and start converting to the new system she and Jackson had set up on the ground, lay untouched on the table in front of her. She hadn't seen Raven at all today, and wasn't surprised that the mechanic was avoiding her. The breakfast table they usually shared had been empty when Abby made her way towards it in the morning, and despite having glanced around a ridiculous number of times while she ate, Raven was nowhere to be seen.

She supposed she deserved that.

But at the same time, Raven hadn't let her explain. She had left at the first sign of unease and confusion, not attempting to understand Abby's reaction at all. Or at least that's what it had felt like. Raven had decided what Abby felt and to be honest, the doctor was a little annoyed. A little more time, that was all she had needed. But that time didn't need to be away from Raven and she hadn't made that clear. She hadn't made anything clear, to be honest, and the conflicting feelings of understanding Raven's reaction and being annoyed at her sudden departure had left Abby in a foul mood.

They needed to talk.

* * *

Abby stood outside the open door of Raven's workshop for what felt like an eternity before finally gathering the courage to speak up. The name came out in a breath, soft and pleading,

“Raven.”

As soon as the mechanic became aware of her presence, her face hardened.

“No.”

Abby tensed, her body turning cold and unresponsive as she stood frozen in the doorway. She forced the next words out,

“Please give me a chance to explain.”

Raven's hammer connected hard with an unsuspecting bolt. She then turned sharply on the spot, glaring at Abby's pleading face.

“Why? So you can tell me again how unexpected and enjoyable it was to kiss me?”

Abby's cheeks flushed at that, shame coursing through her as Raven's eyes flashed with anger and pain. But it also woke her own indignation and the feeling put her back on track, reminding her of the things that needed to be said.

“I'm sorry for what I said. It came out all wrong.”

“Yeah? Well it seemed pretty clear to me.”

Abby took a step forward, one foot on the threshold, agitation rising in her voice,

“Really? Well you seem to have drawn your own conclusions based on very little data.”

Raven snorted. “How else was I supposed to interpret that? You didn't expect me to kiss you. I thought you would have. So we don't want the same things. _The end_.”

Abby closed her eyes and bit back the angry retort that threatened to spill out. She gathered what was left of her resolve, and took the plunge,

“No, that's not it. I don't think it's clear to you at all. It was unexpected to me because I was too dumb to see what was right there in front of me. We were...we _are_... not only friends, Raven. We have spent so much time together. I've shared more with you than anyone else. And it felt so right, so easy that I didn't realise until yesterday what it all meant. I didn't realise that I wanted to kiss you. That, yes, I enjoy kissing you. I honestly didn't connect the dots. But the kiss wasn't a mistake. I never said it was, you did. It wasn't to me. It never can be.”

She took another breath, exhaling on a small step into the room. Her pulse roared louder in her ears when she saw the way Raven's eyes glistened with emotion. It gave her courage to continue,

“I care about you, Raven Reyes. And I need to know what it is you want.”

Raven stared open-mouthed at Abby, who stared back, none of them quite daring to believe what had just been said.

A monitor beeped across the room. A banging noise echoed from next door. Voices, merged into unintelligible rise and fall by the distance, filtered in from the corridor. But none of those noises resonated through Abby like the thud of Raven's hammer as it connected with the floor, the mechanic's hand hanging limply at her side. Raven swallowed, her voice low and rough when she finally said,

“You. I want you.”

Abby drew in a sharp breath, a flood of emotions constricting her chest. But before she could say anything, Raven looked away and continued,

“But I don't think I should. I shouldn't want you because I always seem to break people, or push them away. And I run away sometimes. I'm not good with this.”

Taking another step forward, Abby smiled sadly.

“The truth is, I'm not good with this either. I'm scared, Raven. So very scared of losing people. But maybe...maybe if we're two people who are not very good, don't you think that could add up to something?”

The sun was setting. Raven shivered. Could it add up to something? She wasn't sure. But she hoped so.

_Oh, how she hoped so._

She breathed the rapidly cooling air deep into her lungs, imagined the atoms from a thousands stars racing through her bloodstream. They were both alive, after everything that had happened. The doctor and the mechanic. That had to count for something. Something clicked into place inside of her then and the next breath left her light-headed, as the reality of Abby, standing a few steps away, suggesting they try to be good together, fully sank in.

And then Raven was walking towards her, not realising tears were running down her cheeks until Abby reached out to wipe them away. Raven blinked, surprised.

“I never cry in front of other people.”

“Maybe I'm not other people.”

Raven smiled. “Maybe not.”

And then she allowed herself to look at Abby in a way she hadn't before, not when Abby was watching anyway. And when she saw how the Chancellor's eyes widened in response, colour rising in her cheeks, the racing in her blood picked up speed.

“So we're doing this?”, Abby asked, a hint of uncertainty still present in her voice.

Raven swallowed, and nodded. But she made no move to touch Abby, or to kiss her. She couldn't. And Abby understood, taking the final step herself and wrapping her arms around Raven. They hugged, eliminating the remaining distance. Raven's senses filled with everything Abby; her smell, the way her body felt against her own, but mostly the warmth that radiated from her and wrapped Raven in an embrace as strong as their hug.

After a while, Raven pulled back, quirking an eyebrow, “You honestly didn't realise I was flirting with you?”

Abby smiled sheepishly, “I thought you were just being you.”

Raven shook her head. “You should give yourself more credit.”

“Clearly.”

They smiled at each other.

When their lips finally met, neither could have said who initiated the kiss. And when breaths mingled and hands tangled in hair, it mattered little.

 


End file.
